I used to work as a circus animal.

Not exactly, but it often felt like it.

One of my past jobs was working as an “extra” on the set of movies and TV shows.

You know all those people who walk around behind the main actors, pretend to talk and make the scene’s setting look lively by filling up the background, but you never clearly hear their voices or see their faces?

I was one of them.

Everything looks fine and dandy on screen where you see what’s happening between action and cut.

That’s when you see the fantasy of whatever the fictional scene calls for.

But between cut and action, when the camera stops rolling, when they’re setting up for the next shot, that’s when reality kicks in.

That’s when the main actors are taken back to their private, posh trailers.

And you as an extra after doing “tricks” for the audience, are taken back to “holding” (the name for the area where they corral all the extras between takes), and sometimes bribed with candy to try to boost your energy, keep your spirits up, and distract you from the fact that you are working minimum wage and doing nothing with your 200 thousand dollar college degree.

Nothing like a good sugar rush to make you forget about all the wrong turns you made in life.

Holding was filled with desire.

Extras talking about their dreams of becoming actors–of one day going from being the non-speaking blur in the background, to being the main star with lines.

They’d talk about the industry parties they wanted to get invited to and the celebrities they would want to rub elbows with.

They’d talk about how much money the main actors were making and what they would do if they had all that money.

They’d talk about the kinds of roles they would want to play.

But how many of those people were auditioning?

How many had agents?

How many were trying to get agents?

How many were taking acting classes?

The daydreamers far outweighed the doers.

They were all in desire, but few were in pursuit.

One of the best parts of extra work was making friends to commiserate with.

I would get excited when my fellow friend, Charlotte (name changed to protect her identity), who also shared my dream of being an actress, would get booked on the same set as me.

We would gripe together about crazy start and end times of filming, grueling 12-hour stretches on set, huddling together to keep ourselves warm while freezing our buns off in outdoor scenes, sitting in uncomfortable hard folding chairs all day (and night), feeling like second class citizens, and feeling so close yet so far away from our dreams.

We would always end all of our rants by calmly and softly consoling each other with our favorite line: “It’s going to happen…”

That would be enough to momentarily turn our attitudes around and restore hope that we would one day become real actresses.

But would we?

What were we doing to actually make that a reality?

The Delusion of Desire

In retrospect…

I did a lot of talking about wanting to be an actress.

I put myself in a position where I was surrounded by actors.

Every day, I was on the sets of blockbuster movies and hit TV shows, within arms length of movie stars and performers.

I was very excited about the idea of being an actress and the lifestyle that it would bring.

I thought very positively and optimistically about it.

I was sending good vibes in that direction.

These things added together contributed to the delusion that I was on the road to becoming an actress.

But it was just that–delusion.

My thoughts were sufficiently in alignment with my dreams.

But my actions were not.

I tricked myself with things that feel like pursuit:

• Chatter
• Proximity
• Enthusiasm

All those things are great, but they need to be supplemented with action.

Otherwise, you are not doing anything to get you closer to your goals, you are just doing things to make that voice in your head that’s nagging you about not being where you want to be, a little quieter and a little more bearable to live with.

Desire vs Pursuit

How do you know the difference between desire and pursuit?

How it feels.

Talking about things feels good – Desire.

Doing things, especially when you don’t feel like it doesn’t feel good – Pursuit.

Imagining the best case scenario of how things could turn out feels good – Desire.

Living the worst case scenario when things don’t work out perfectly according to your plan doesn’t feel good – Pursuit.

If you were in pursuit of your goals, you would be getting outside of your comfort zone, coming up against obstacles, being forced to do things you are not used to doing, and facing rejection.

If you have a dream, and you’ve never been told “no,” you are not actively pursuing that dream.

If you have a dream, and all your efforts stop at the edge of your comfort zone, and never cross over into the realm of the unfamiliar, you are in desire, not pursuit.

If you have a dream, and you never feel tired, physically, mentally, or emotionally, your relationship with your dreams is rooted in fantasy, not reality, in vision, and not action.

Desire is always invigorating.

Pursuit gets tired.

Desire is always optimistic.

Pursuit can be pessimistic.

Desire is convenient.

Pursuit is not.

The Harsh Truth About Your Dreams

You’ve been lying to yourself.

No, it’s not going to happen.

No, it’s not going to work out.

No, things are not going to change.

Because you have not been doing what it takes.

You will achieve your goals only when you become willing to do what it takes to make them happen.

Talking about your dreams is not enough.

Getting yourself in the room with other people who are living your dreams is not enough.

Feeling excited about your dreams is not enough.

You will never achieve what you do not pursue.

Desire without pursuit is simply dreaming.

Action is what turns your dreams into reality.