I was feeling a little bit unconfident the other day.

And not in a way where the usual facial, bubble bath, fresh coat of makeup, and new outfit can fix.

Yes, there is an external element of ‘when I look good, I feel good’.

But that’s not what I felt I was lacking at that time.

I’m not talking about that kind of confidence that makes me feel like I make heads turn when I walk down the street.

I’m talking about:

• the kind of confidence that makes you feel capable and powerful

• the kind of confidence that makes you feel like you can do anything

• the kind of confidence that makes you believe in the possibility of turning your dreams into reality

That kind of confidence that has nothing to do with how you look, and everything to do with how you think–more specifically how you think about yourself.

I’m talking about mental confidence.

It’s easy to look up to people who are accomplished and think they’re confident, and even further to assume that they have always been that way.

But confidence isn’t something that people are automatically born with.

Confidence is not a fixed trait where you either have it or you don’t.
Confidence is something that can be built.

And just as it can be built, it can just as easily be destroyed–by your actions.

Actions build mental confidence.

In reflecting, I came up with a list of five ways to boost confidence–five things, five practices, five principles, five ideas, whatever you want to call them, that make me feel confident and powerful mentally.

These five things are replicable by anyone at any time.

So any time you need to pull yourself out of a confidence rut, take out this list and change your actions accordingly.

Restraint.

Practicing restraint proves that you have enough mental strength to not indulge in something when you say you won’t indulge in it.

It means that you have the power to push yourself away from something that may benefit you in the short term in order to pull yourself closer to something that is more beneficial to you in the long term.

Practicing restraint cultivates a belief in yourself that you will do what you say you are going to do.

How?

Not doing what you said you wouldn’t do is the easiest way to make yourself believe that you will do what you say you will do.

If I can’t count on myself to not eat after 7 pm like I said I wouldn’t, how can I count on myself to create that business?

I have presented indisputable, tangible evidence to myself that I am not mentally strong enough to do what I said I would do.

If you are the kind of person that can be talked out of the small things, you will also allow yourself to be talked out of the big things.

Choose something small that you can measurably reduce or completely eliminate.

Practice self control. Build your discipline muscle.

Practicing restraint in this way, and giving yourself parameters to fit into is a great way to rebuild confidence in yourself slowly and easily in small ways. 

Repetition.

Doing something over and over again.

Anyone can muster up the energy and motivation to do something once.

But it takes doing something repeatedly to actually see results.

Repetition is just about putting one foot in front of the other metaphorically, and a great way to prime yourself to be able to do that is to practice putting one foot in front of the other physically.

This can be done by:

• getting on a treadmill

• going on a long walk and just encouraging yourself to keep going one step at a time

• or choosing any small action and repeating it monotonously

This works the consistency muscle and builds resilience.

It instills in you the idea that you can stick with something and keep going, that you have it in you to not quit.

Plus, when you get into a groove of doing something repeatedly, an added benefit of this is that it removes feelings as a requisite for action.

You get accustomed to continuing and moving forward despite your thoughts or emotions, and even tasks that you ordinarily may even dread you find yourself able to do with ease and confidence.

In other words, by practicing repetition, and thus removing the emotional pull that a task has on you, you also remove mental friction, making it easier to execute.

Exposure.

It’s nearly impossible to rise above the level of our awareness of possibility.

This is why it’s so valuable to be surrounded by examples of people doing things at a higher level than you are now.

It opens up your mind to possibilities that you previously didn’t think possible for yourself or even know existed.

Expose yourself to environments, perspectives, lifestyles, that are beyond the level of your “normal.”

Look to people further ahead of you.

Look to people who have what you want.

Look to people who are more skilled than you.

See what they’re doing, how they’re living, how they’re talking.

This will broaden your horizons, open up your mental world, and get you fired up about what’s possible.

I love looking through Instagram and Pinterest and collecting bucket list ideas, and ideas for life goals and dreams.

But there is of course a delicate balance to be treaded here.

When it comes to perusing social media, there’s a fine line between gaining confidence and losing it.

Seek just enough exposure to inspire you, but not so much that you get down on yourself.

If done correctly, using social media to see what’s possible for others is the easiest way to open yourself up to the idea of greater possibilities for yourself.

Completion.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in one of my favorite books, The Four Agreements, discusses the concept of “being impeccable with your word“-ie doing what you say you are going to do.

Of all the people to keep your promises to, choose yourself.

You think it’s not a big deal…

• when you say you’ll work out today, and you don’t

• when you say you’ll make that call, and you don’t

• when you say you’ll write that blog post, and you don’t

But every time you don’t do what you say you are going to do, you chink away at your self confidence.

Small transgressions add up.

You determine someone’s integrity, reliability, and character based on the alignment of their actions with their words.

It’s no different with you.

If you haven’t demonstrated that you can do the little things, how can you believe that you can do the bigger things?

Do what you say you’re going to do.

But even further, finish what you say you’re going to start.

Follow through. Complete things. And don’t start things you don’t intend to complete.

If someone tells you they’re going to do something, and they don’t do it, do you believe them the next time they say they’re going to do something?

No, you lose confidence in them because they have proven that their actions are misaligned with their word, so you stop believing in them, and disappointedly let go of all expectations.

You do the same thing with yourself. 

You don’t believe in yourself because you lie to yourself.

Your ability to keep your word is a direct indicator of your self confidence.

Want to increase your self confidence?

Start keeping your word.

No.

No matter how seemingly great the reward is on the other side of a yes, there is always a price. 

There is always an exchange.

You must always give something in order to get...

…money…energy…time…integrity…peace…

Whatever it is that you give is the price of the yes.

Sometimes, that price is worth paying, and that exchange is worth making.

But sometimes it is not.

Some people are willing to say yes at any cost.

Not everyone has the discretion nor the conviction to say no when things are misaligned with their character, values, or mission.

When you say no, you are reinforcing that:

• you have enough self confidence in your ability to reach your desired result no matter what

• you know yourself and are willing to stand your ground on your priorities

• you have the courage to not accept just any thing at any price

• you are willing and able to make short term sacrifices for long term gain

• you don’t need shortcuts to get where you want to go

There is of course a time to say yes.

Yes can open doors of opportunity, but no can make you feel powerful in a way that yes cannot.

That wraps up this list of my best tips and tricks for how to build self confidence from the inside out.

All of these mental confidence building strategies can be implemented at any time, and you can start to immediately feel the difference in the way you see yourself.

So if you’re looking for how to gain confidence quickly, just start doing the things on this list.